A long and winding road instalment, in which we backtrack a little to do some much needed catching up with our boys AGD and UBD, and our long-lost friend the plot. No Stave or porn here, sorry… But lots of dull plot and exposition (very sad that it’s not sexposition myself, TBQH…) and case-type stuff, and bullshit cop show type stuff… ya know, the sorta thing this crazy story started out doing before it took a train to Stave-town. ; )

What the hell is this antler-impaled dead guy thing all about?

Who on Earth do our intrepid detectives think is behind the drug-smuggling?

What in the name of all that is holy will Chief Super-Intendant Pilkington have to say about all this?

Find out…

in Chapter Nineteen – If the Hammer Fits

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For ma cleanest of Irish lobsters. Mwah. : )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

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deisegal:

Flashback - Stan & Dave spend an afternoon on the beach with Shirley and Stephen.

Part of the Cracky AU of Sexual Tension Road Trip as brought to you by Deisegosolo Productions

Soooo, my internet crashed and ah lost ma original reply.  So feeling yer pain right now Cleany…   *shakes stumpy fist*

Shall endeavour to recreate ma original reaction. 

• FUCK ME STAN’S CHEST. 
• FUCK ME DAVE’S CHEST.
• FUCK ME THE TRAIL OF FUZZ LEDING FROM STAN’S HAIRY CHEST PAST HIS SEXY NAVEL BEFORE DISAPPEARING INTO HIS BLUE SHORTS OF LOVE (which totally remind me of the blue shorts he was wearing in that vintage Goanie pic of him strollin’ along da beach wit a wumin…)  FUCKING HELL HIS CHEST NEEDS TO BE DESIGNATED AN AREA OF OUTSTANDING NATURAL BEAUTY.
• Dave is topless!  *fans self at his lovely perfick gorgeous sexy averageness…*  Hhhhhhhgggggg.  His curly mud-coloured chest hair is ridiculously hot.  As are his collar bones, hairy hairy arms, slightly chunky flanks and beloved-of-all-right-minded-individuals stumpy hand. 
• FUCK ME.  Loving the colour of Dave’s trunks.  Hhhhhnnnngggg.
• LOL, whut, is he like, PRETENDING to read a book there whilst actually staring at Stan like he’s a glass of water and Dave’s been walking in the desert for six months?  Oh my rh’llor.  The heat of Dave’s longing gazes burns right through the screen of ma laptop, frankly.  ALWAYS.  But here it’s particularly good because his face is all distracted, not even really realising he’s staring and happy because Stan is there but squiggly-mouthed because STAN IS THERE IN TRUNKS LOOKING HOT HOT HOT.  nnnnngggggggg, da tension…
• Phuket Thailand…  Dave sitting atop a Baratheon-striped deckchair.   I love it for so many reasons, but right now my mind is plumbing all the depths of innuendo over it…    Nnnnnnngggggggg.
• Will never not love me that sweet sweet seawall.  One of da main characters, TBH. 
• What.  Da.  Everloving.  Rh’llor.  is Stan doing kneeling his sexy knees on a Patches-checkered towel/rug thingy….   Arg.  Don’t know how ah can find that sinister but somehow ah do. 
• Be that a cooler-box I spy just behind Stan?  Has Dave been playing good-little-1950’s-housewife again and making them all a picnic and cool drinks?  I choose to believe that he has. 
• Seriously though.  Could they have a more idyllic life than the one they all lead together in sunny, sleepy, weird Kingsdown?  In spite of all the drug-smuggling, travelling circus’s and strange goings on…  I still want to live there. 
• Love me that sandcastle with it’s proud little red flag.   :’)
• Stan.   The.    Man.  
• Shirley is my hero.  Looking cool in her tomboy swimming costume, she just doesn’t give a fuck.  Is it wrong that I even find her scars cute?  She also appears to be tickling/decorating Stephen with seaweed/twigs?  All the love.  There is nothing that girl can’t do.  She even managed to capture and bury a Sea-child!  He seems happy enough there under the sand, though, so… *shrugs*
• Did I mention that Stan has legs. 
• Some of them are on display in this. 
• They’re very manly and hairy. 
• And his feet are very large. 
• JUST TAKE MY VAGINA DAMN YER!!!
• Lovin’ dem Stylin’ shorts, even if their not the Speedo’s of our dreams.  I admit, had yer drawn the Speedo situation, I’d be dead.  So all fer the best, really.   : )
• LOL Stan, what yer doin’ wearing a lovely blue shirt at the beach in the summer sun…?  Get yer chest out for yer onion, Sir…
• Oh wait, you are at least revealing a choic portion of it… 
• And perhaps it is best to ration it. 
• It is a weapon of mass-destruction and illegal in several lesser-known Commonwealth countries…
• : P
• So Stan’s chest. 
• Yup, ah like it. 
• Like the way yer’ve drawn it here. 
• YES GOOD. 
• Big hands and hairy Lobster forearms for the win. 
• FUCK ME he looks so very happy.  Cleany, you are all about slayin’ me with all the Stan happy faces ATM…   He loves his daughter very much…  And he adores spending time with her and all 7 of his surrogate sons.   Yes, even emo!Matthew.  Was Stan in on the burying-Stephen jape, or was that all Shirl’s masterplan, ah wonder?
• Stan has a chest face.  It’s very happy and very very handsome. 
• Can’t help but notice his sexy widows peak and rough manly stubble…  GETS ME EVERY DAMN TIME…

• Dave clearly has an awkward erection and is hiding it with that red book, amiright?  It’s always all about yer penis, isn’t it Dave??  By which I mean, yes, good.  Carry on. 

Again, possibly not an exhaustive list of ma feels. 

But all the same, Lobster-of-mine. 

YER GIVE GOOD LIFE-AFFIRMING TOONS MA GURL. 

Love yer!  Damn yer!  xXx.

deisegal:

Flashback: The Baratheon-Seaworth Clan Celebrate Shirley’s 8th Birthday…with a very special cake :/

Part of the Getting Crackier By The Day Sexual Tension Road Trip AU, which in itself is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop Clean Cop, brought to you by Deisegosolo Productions….is that the correct wording?  

Oh darling…  Who cares about the wording.  ILU.   :’)

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRL! 
• Cute notice-board of love with slightly bigger snapshot of Stan and Shirl…  Ma heart. 
• Dragon Cottage detail/continuity!porn…   Oh how I’ve missed it….    Hhhhhnnnnnnhggggg, Baratheon tiles etc….  Though how that fit that gaggle of Seaworth’s into one small cottage kitchen I’ll never know…
• Dave wearing his lovely AGD-a-like diamond patterned sweater…   :’)
• I believe I’ve already made clear that I think the Badger Birthday cake (with it’s 8 little candles….  hhhhnnnnggg) is the best thing I’ve seen.  But it’s worth saying again.  Inigo X Badger Cake OTP.  Sooooooo cute it hurts.
• Poor not-dead emo!Matthew!!!  Hurray!  His crossed arms and trying to sulk and stupid fringe and dyed hair and matching black hoody….  PERFICK.  And even he can’t resist the cute of the scenario. 
• Nope, aparently I’m not finished with Frank-the-Badger in cake form yet…
• Cupcakes!
• Stan is happy and content and peaceful with his baby girl.  Yay!  Ma heart.  But he also happen’s to be wearing his sex-shirt.  FML. 
• Cadet!Daniel is dorky and perfick.  Love his neat slicked-back hair. 
• Little clear plastic cups.  *_*
• Alan looks like he’s up to some sort of scheming and/or plotting even at a family party…  Sigh.  What we gone do wit dat boy?
• Still love his REEBUCK hoodie tho. 
• Even I can’t tell the other sea-children apart with any certainty and I wrote a fucking potted history of them.  But ah love how that one next to Alan is either wearing Dave’s stripey sweater, or wearing an exact replica of it….  So damned cute.  Is he young Stanley, perchance?
• I suppose I could hazard a guess that the one standing next to Daniel in blue with freckles is Mark?  
• The one in the stylin’ checked shirt…  Either young David or Stephen…  I’m thinking Stephen…
• Which would make the blonde cutie sittin’ next to Shirl Stephen?
• Oh, who cares, ah loves dem all anyways!
• Shirl’s tomboy outfit is IMMENSE.  Ah loves her boyish style, ah really does.  And she’s so happy surrounded by her beloved family and Badger cake…   Weeeeeeee…
• All the love for how they all seem to be touching one another (apart from emo!Matt, obv)….  So much family love on display here…  RIGHT IN THE FEELS.   *DEAD*

Probably not finished with this crazy assed meta yet, TBH. 

But I need to come up for air…

AH LOVES YER MA CLEANY!!!

xXx.

USIN’ YER OWN GIF AGIN YER. 

I IS CLASSY LIKE DAT. 

fml.

In which Stan and Dave sort of have to face up to the fact they got a little bit frivolous jiggy with each other, and are pretty awkward about it all but also a lot adorable… (FML) and meanwhile, back in actual half-arsed plot-land, AGD and UBD go on a mini, bickery expedition to find out what all this ‘corpse at the tin mine’ business is about…

Yes, I fail at not being a complete sap for both couples here… And I blame them.

Yes, Renard is a troll…

Yes, cum stains are a total bitch to get out…

And will UBD finally prove his worth by actually doing a bit of police work?

Find out…

…in Chapter Seventeen – Meanwhile, Up on the Chalk Cliffs…

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For my lovely clean Lobster who puts up with all my bullshit.  : )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

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deisegal:

Urgh nothing will be able capture the magnificence that is the latest chapter of Sexual Tension Road Trip (hnnnnnnnnnnnnnng  ”just kiss….oh..ok carry on boys” *cough*) but here is my clumsy attempt (pen was going all over the place for some reason so most smudges are NOT intentional ;) …..)

Stan is about to find out whether Dave’s tongue belong to him

Hnnnng!

Oh darling…  Please believe me…  Ah’ll never do yer no harm…  Believe me when ah tell you…  I’ll never do you no harm…

Oh darling…  If you leave me (topical song reference is topical…   : P)… Ah’ll never make it, alone…  Believe me when ah beg you (wooo)… Don’t ever leave me, alone…

Ahem.  Just had ta get that out me system.  ; )

You da best, Cleany.  Can hardly believe the speed with which this relevant toon appeared…  It’s almost as if you had inside knowledge…   ; )   Immense, swift and decisive work, ma clean lobster.  Mwah. 

Arrrrgggggghhh, allotment detail-porn for the fucking win!!!  COMPOST!  SEED POTATOES!  MY FAVOURITE TROWEL!  RADIS BUSH!  (peering out from behind Stan’s EXQUISITE arse…)  GENERIC GREENHOUSE AND ALLOTMENT OF LOVE WIN FOR THE WIN!!!

….

Can’t hardly bear to look at the boys…

Argggh, too. many. feels…

• You drew Stan’s semi-smart grey shirt PERFICKLY.  It’s like yer in my mind. 
• Stan’s arse in those gloriously tight not-slacks of love…  this will be a recurring theme.
• Stan’s arm reaching ot possessively to cup Dave’s beardy onion face…  Hhhhhnnnnnnnggggggggggg…
• Dave is ADORKABLE and all shocked and like what what what?  But his clever gammy hand is like, totally ready for the action!  Look at it, it’s well heading for Stan’s shirt buttons.  Dave, yer stumpy hand is more prepared for this than you, mate!  All the same, his good hand is coming round to embrace Stan, so suppose I can let him off….  YES GOOD. 
• Stan.   Just Stan. 
• OH MY FUCKING GOD.  You have totally done justice to his utter dream-boat-ish-ness in this picture.  He is looking fucking fine.  Even if his kecs are too tight…
• Oh god, his arse.  It’s right there.  In those tight pants.  It’s practically indecent.
• Loving the glimpse of both their perfect crotches too - and so close together, hnnnnnggggg - coz I’m a perv like that. 
• Did I mention Stan’s fucking arse, tho??!   *weeps*
• I reckon yer doing really well with all this branching out into drawing side-on people and at new angles.  The lads look great here. 
• Stan’s arse tho.  And their crotches…  *_*
• Stan’s face is such a thing of beauty here (and always).  His thick stubble is just THE SEX.  His manly chin and gently smiling mouth…  He actually looks happy.  *_*   And intent.  And happy. 
• His eyes, eyebrows, forhead wrinkles, widows peak and mouth are all soooooo perfect here….   And brilliantly drawn to convey his multitude of emotions. 
• Sheesh, FAPS much?   : P
• Stan’s arse.  And their general crotch proximity.  They are about to kissssss….  Hhhhhnnnnnnngggggggg…   *dead*

So once again typing from beyond the grave ta tell yer that I love yer. 

All my love.  All of it. 

And Stan’s arse…    *_*

xXx  *goes for lie down*

In which AGD and UBD do not feature, and Stan and Dave dance around each other some more… before finally getting a bit of release.

YES Dave gets his kiss.

YES, finally, a bit of mild porn for Stave.

That’s it for this long long instalment, really.  : P  

NC:17 to be on the safe side. 

This is for my very clean Lobster, who has been extraordinarily patient, and for anyone else who may have been screaming JUST KISS at Stave.  (like me…)

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

…Chapter Sixteen – Seeing to the Radishes

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In which AGD and UBD make a barely relevant plot!Date, Renard continues to stir everything up (but not necessarily in a bad way), and Stan and Dave continue to fail at making the transition to an established relationship (but it’s a close run thing…).

Will Dave ever get his kiss? Will he survive if (and when) he does?

Will Alan Seaworth ever stop shipping UBD/AGD to anyone and everyone?

Will I ever get to the actual porn? : P (HINT: the answer is yes. And soon.)

Jumps-straight-in chapter jumps straight in where the phone conversation in the last chapter left off. Just so as yer know.

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

…in Chapter Fifteen – Renard Explains It All

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deisegal:

FLASHBACK - Melissa says a “fond farewell” to Stan in the greenhouse (just before she runs off with his wife…)

Nnnnnooooeeeeesssss!

OH NO SHE DI’N’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Proper scandalised by this one girl…  Was not expecting it!

Mel is gorgeous and brilliantly drawn with all her red!Detail like nails and lip and eyes and her perfect hair.  But, but, but…

HOW DARE SHE???!!!!!!????   How dave she make a move on Dave’s man???  Uh oh.  Dave gone be ma-ad.  It gone get all Jerry Springer up ins here… 

Seriously though, Mel is such a creeper here.  And I mean that in the best possible way.  But how can she desecrate the allotment of love like this?  It’s like cheating on Jesus in a church, damn yer!  Never mind her running off with Selma.  She is makin’ moves on Dave’s man in THEIR allotment.  Their special place that they share together just fer them and no one else except the kids and Ramsey and Frank…   OH HO HO.  The drama.  You are ratcheting it up and pushin’ ma buttons kid.  Keep it up.   : )

YAY!  Greenhouse (even if it has been invaded…) details!  The background with the radish plant…  just take my heart, why don’t yer, tis yourn anyway.  : P

Stan is gorgeous but clearly in distress here (it is so wrong that the combination of Stan + Distress made me internally go HHHHNNNNNGGGGG then…  FML…)

You know ah loves me some adam’s apple, widow’s peak and forehead wrinkles.  Also, shocked expression, hairy arms, and holding onto that sexy trowel for dear life.  :’)   His tongue is just indecent.  INDECENT ah tells yer…   : P   Damn yer, Melissa, that tongue and that nice neat shirt and those hairy arms are all fer our Dave!

Dave is winning all the awards here.  He is heartbreaking, sweetly pathetic and hilarious all at the same time.  His poor gammy hand on the door pane…  argh, my heart…

Please tell me that he understood that Stan was having non of it and it was all Mel?!?!?   Can’t.  Take. The.  Melodrama…..

Damn yer fer givin’ me all these feels!!!

(But obv. love yer for it really…   : P )

deisegal:

More from the Allotment of Love - Stan n’ Dave have a *moment* when they take Shirl and Stephen badger watching….meanwhile, Ramsay the Scarecrow has yet another run-in with his nemesis Frank the Badger.

Part of the Dirty Cop Clean Cop Cracky AU Universe, brought to you by Deisegosolo Productions…

#send help

allotment of love, stannis x davos, cracky AU, stanley baratheon, dave seaworth, shirley baratheon, stephen seaworth, frank the badger, ramsay the scarecrow.

Before we start.  Can I just say.  Frank-the-Badger having his own tag now?  Made my fucking life.  : D  And his nemesis Ramsey-the-Scarecrow has one too…

Arggg, you’re making me love life, damn yer!!!   : )

Ok, now on to the squeeing proper. 

What is happening to my insides?  I don’t even…   *_*

So much going on in the one frame in this toon.  And I love ALL OF IT.  I have to mention that they have the biggest and nicest Allotment EVER, BTW…  It is to die for.  Now I’m switching to bullet points for organisation’s sake.  ; )

• Fairy-lights-of-love.  Oh no, not fer the children.  But for Stan and Dave’s cozy little love nest… WOW.  Ok, more on that later, but all the love for those cute fairy lights.  Dave must’ve bought ‘em, Stan would never purchase something so frivolous.  That floodlight in the background is more his style. 
• Birdbox and radish bush (!?!) FTW.
• THE MEAT OF IT - Oh, where to start?  So much joy to be had…  Stephen and Shirl are ADORABLE there having their own little nighttime adventure and getting all that Frank action into the bargin.  Shirley’s little face - she’s so happy, and she clearly loves Frank so much.  All the feels.  Stephen had mad muddy hair too…  So cute! And little tom-boy Shirley in blue again.  I dig.  : )
• Frank.  Just, Frank…  If there was ever any doubt about there needing to be a Frank-centric spinnoff, that time has passed.  He is such an awesome badass of a Badger!!!  Look at his sharp claws and fierce face!!!  I just…  Can’t hardly deal with how he appears to be shouting/roaring at Ramsey.  Hardcore, man.  Seriously tho, Frank may be the only force on Earth capable of stopping Ramsey the Scarecrow. 
• Just look how effing terrifying that scarecrow is…  Even scarier here with his huge mouth and staring down at Frank givin’ him evils…  Is he moving his scary clawlike stick-arms?!? *gasp* And he’s been moving bout the allotment by himself?  *double gasp*  Baddest villain eva.  He is still workin’ that dress tho.  MmmmmHmmmm…
• The guys…    *spaces out*
• And I’m back…  Arrrrgggggg, you have once again suceeded in giving me so many FEELS about them.  My heart, brain and groin hurt.  (TMI, ik…)
• Dave appears to have erected a fence to give them a little privacy on their date spending time with the kids night.  Well played, Dave.  Well played. 
• They are sitting on a grow bag?  Or tarpaulin or summat?  Anyhey, I love it.  But yer know I loves me some detail.  : )
• They are soooooo close to each other under that gorgeous Baratheon-checkered blanket…   HHHHHHnnnnnnngggggg.  All just for sharing-warmth purposes, obviously…    ; )
• What is even happening with those hands!?!  Ah gotta tell ya, I am pleasantly scandalised…  *_*  What, so… Stan reached for the flask and then accidently held Dave’s hand instead?  I guess I can buy that.  And then, Dave accidentally started to move his gammy-hand to grope Stan’s strong, manly thigh?  MMMhhhmmm.  And then Stan started to move his other hand to grasp his beloved gammy-hand…  And they accidently started looking at each other like they had thought of nothing but sucking each others faces off for years…  And they both coincidently got all flushed and hot and sweaty with added awkward erections conveniently covered by the chechered Baratheon blanket of love?  Yep, can totally see now that this is completely innocent… 
• They’re both like ‘kids, what kids? badger, what badger?’  So wrapped up in their own little world of mainpain and the illicit rush of being so close together…  HHHHnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg…    : P
• Their faces are just a study in awkward.  And yay, last-minute blushing FTW!!  Stan’s little tiny woobie mouth is AMAZING.  He’s like ‘Can’t… but want too… so badly…’  All the love for his nice allotment clothes as well.  Hope those are the tight beige trousers of love he is wearing….   UNF. 
• Did I mention the little checkered flask of love? 
• I love it. 
• Argggg, Dave.  He looks so tidy and perfect - what passes for dressed up to the nines for him.  And he is soooo shocked but so clearly up for it…  Oh, his blushing little face and huge beard…  He’s thinking ‘But he doesn’t… He can’t… I’m not nearly good enough for him…  But he’s like, holding my hand…?’
• I fear this is almost at the point of bending the realism of the story (LLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL… AHEM, EXCUSE ME), because HOW have they not kissed yet?  Seriously, how?  Arrrrgggg, torturous tension!!!

So yeah, Clean Cop, great fucking job, ma Lobster…  Awesome.  : )  Can’t even promise that this is an exhaustive list of my squee… 

Do yer think if I shout: now kiss!  loud enough at the toon, they’ll hear me?  : ?