In which there are lots of different POV’s again, a hell of a lot of quite possibly dull plotsposition(tm), some depressing introspection (and a lengthy childhood flashback) from our Stanley (Nope, I don’t know either, FML.), there are no sexy-times to speak of, and UBD gets to play at being a real detective.

Will this prove to be the most serious, wordy and boring chapter yet?

Will I ever learn to sell my story in the blurb rather than put people off? (LOL)

Will Justin-the-Goldfish ever be more than a two-dimensional throw-away gag character? (Relevant question is still relevant, dammit.)

Has UBD bitten off more than he can chew going up against two new players?

Find out…

in Chapter Twenty Three – Pink Jacket and Strong-arm

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For ma beloved and sorely missed transatlantic not-so-clean Oirish Lob. Mwah. : )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

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In which many characters squabble over who gets POV segments, UBD is repeatedly put in his place by his betters, Dave faces his worst fear, the Sea-children continue to have more rich and complex emotional interactions than any of the adults, and AGD has got S.W.A.G. Newsflash, right?

Will AGD ever get enough of dominating (ahem) ubd?

Will Justin-the-Goldfish ever be more than a two-dimensional throw-away gag character?

Will anyone ever best Alan?

Will characters ever stop throwing shade about other characters’ dress sense?

Will I ever get a move on with some actual action? (LOL)

Find out…

in Chapter Twenty Two – Justin-the-Goldfish

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For ma beloved and sorely missed transatlantic not-so-clean Lob. Mwah. : )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

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deisegal:

Sexual Tension Road Trip: Revisiting the events of Chapter 15 when Stan n’ Dave so tenderly held hands (weep), and 6 chapters later they hold hands again but so much has happened in the space of 24 hours and those 6 chapters (more weeping but with joy rather than frustration)

who da fuq are Stan and Dave?  Why only the most wonderful AU Stannis and Davos in the world, that’s who…..check out this post for a masterlist of chapters if you have not already done so..

OH DARLING.  Me and Miguel are back fer more squeeing over this sainted glory. 

• KNOW I ALREADY MENTIONED THAT KINKY DAVE IS GOING COMMANDO HERE, BUT FEEL IT CAN NEVER REALLY BE MENTIONED ENOUGH. 
• Pink pink everywhere.  Oh Dave, you and yer interior decorating fail/win. 
• What’s that ah spy on the end of the reception desk of love?  Tourist info leafletS?  Love it. 
• The hand-holding glory.  Dirty old bastards, need to get a room, stat.  They really may as well just be fucking on da reception desk as yer said b4 Cleany.  Nnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg.  Stan’s hot heavy manly palm covering Dave’s gammy hand…   *weeping with love and arousal*
• My God, Stan is so happy again in this one…  all sated and loving and glowing and awkward.  Superb blush-rendering again Cleany.  And oh, he is gazing at his Dave with such utter adoration…    Nnnnngggg, feels…
• Mmmmmm, vase of flowers poking out there.  And that cute goldfish with his do not feed the fish sign again…   : )   What’s the fishes name, Cleany?  this is vital information. 
• OH HOLY SHIT the picture of all seven Sea-children on the wall in the background…  Ma heart…
• SAILBOAT!
• And the immaculate continuity of the view-through into the dining room again…   Nnnnnnggggg, perfick. 
• We gets a view of Mark reading “Knots! Knots! Knots!” AT THE BAR!!!!  win. He’s so very cute. 
• OH MY EFFING GOD.  We get a peepof AGD/ubd in the background as well…   Nnnnnnnggggg, perfection.  Love being able to see the back of UBD’s scruffy head and AGD’s suave side-view.  Was not expecting their mini-cameo here, so very excited by it TBH.   : )
• Ten green bottles hanging on the wall. 
• The way that the Chapter 15 sign appears to be taking one for the team and attempting to cover our Stan’s awkward erection in the top one…    :’)
• STAN AND DAVE NEED TO OIL UP AND GET FUCKING ON THE RECEPTION DESK.  STAT. 

Likely ah have missed summat ma beloved Lob. 

But as ever, know that yer done good, yer and immense human being and ah loves yer muchly. 

Mwah  xXx. 

deisegal:

Sexual Tension Road Trip: Revisiting the events of Chapter 15 when Stan n’ Dave so tenderly held hands (weep), and 6 chapters later they hold hands again but so much has happened in the space of 24 hours and those 6 chapters (more weeping but with joy rather than frustration)

who da fuq are Stan and Dave?  Why only the most wonderful AU Stannis and Davos in the world, that’s who…..check out this post for a masterlist of chapters if you have not already done so..

DETAIL PORN UNTIL THE END OF TIME…

Double-toon causing multiple orgasms, frank(the badger)ly.  Nnnnnnnnggggggggggg. 

Oh darling.  So thoughtful.  So wonderful.  So beautiful.  So perfick.  So everything. 

I love yer ma NSCC. 

COMPARISON!toon has struck me dumb and destroyed ma ability ta think.  The hotness and sweetness combined…

Some thoughts:

• WASH YER HANDS PLEASE!  FTW. 
• little tea jar next to scary patch-face flask with matching scary patchface mugs…   :’)
• Dave’s blue checkered tea-towel hiding behind him before being put to good use hiding his awkward erection in the chronologically following toon…  Nnnnnnngggggggg, yer give good continuity porn ma lob.  Ah’ve always said so. 
• The brilliant attention yer’ve paid to Dave’s changing outfits over the course of the 24hrs in question…   Mwah.
• How happy and Beardy Dave looks in the first one.  He’s over-joyed that Stan is absently vulcan-kissing him, he never wants it to stop…  Nnnnnnggggg, blushing Dave be so cute and sexy. 
• The instrument of future Stanley-awkward-erection-concealment also being close ta hand…   Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg.
• Stan looking a total stud in his sexy uniform in both pics.  Poor Dave’s had to deal with that vision every day for years.  Years.  wejustdon’tknowbird.gif
• The way that Stan’s hand is clutching Dave’s so sweetly in the first one. And his face being all content and happy but also looking embarrassingly orgasmic to be honest.  Phew.  Stanley enjoying that hand-holding a bit too much, tbh…  No wonder he’s blushing so gorgeously rosy.  :’)
• UNF at da usual Stan forhead wrinkle/widow’s peak, handsomness porn.  UNF forever, tbh. 

MORE RAMBLINGS SPECIFICALLY BOUT THE SECOND PART OF DA TOON…

• Dave looks effing gorgeous in that outfit.  It’s a great look on him, not too grandad-ish, for once.  All da awards fer yer continuity/detail!porn once again ma lovely lob. 
• Just think.  Dave is going commando under those hunky brown cords.  Commando (coz he had to bin his crusty undies at da allotment, I’m sure yer recall that ma NSC lob).  He’s going around with no underwear on.  Getting stiffies all the time remembering his and Stan’s morning exertions, no doubt…  Fuck, he’ll have come in those cords by the end of the day, no doubt.  Dirty insatiable old Oirish sea dog.  Nnnnnnggggg.
• Can’t get over how handsome Dave looks here yet.  Dapper grey shirt/beige jumper FTW.  His lovely ruddy face is so loving and content.  Even his gorgeous full muddy beard looks made up, frankly.  And he’s staring at Stan with his usual love and devotion.  *feels*

INTERMISSION WHILE AH GO AND MAKE A CUPPA BEFORE COMING BACK TO SQUEE AND LOVE YER SOME MORE MA PRECIOUS LOB…

In which the diverged stories of Stan and Dave and our two favourite crack-detectives finally begin to re-align themselves on Friday morning, breakfast time at the Storm’s End Inn. Awkward Dirty Cop, Clean Cop relations should really be re-named Wanky Cop, Wanky Cop at this point. Awkward Stan and Dave relations are still incredibly awkward in spite of their recent clandestine encounters. Luckily the children are about to make everything that bit easier. Not.

Will UBD ever sort out his scummy wardrobe?

Will AGD ever stop being a stone-cold fox for five minutes so that we can all get our breath back?

Will Dave ever man-up and stop acting like a prepubescent girl with a crush around his chest Stanley? (Hint: If you need a hint on this, you haven’t been reading closely enough.)

Find out…

in Chapter Twenty One – The Colour Mustard

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For ma cleanest of clean lobsters who’s been extremely helpful and patient with me and even came up with the title for this Chapter. Mwah. ; )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

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Stave yerselves. 

(the Stan image I pilfered from Goanie.  the Dave image I pilfered from I-don’t-know-where-but-I’m-sorry-tell-me-and-ah’ll-credit.)

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

deisegal:

Flashback - Stan & Dave spend an afternoon on the beach with Shirley and Stephen.

Part of the Cracky AU of Sexual Tension Road Trip as brought to you by Deisegosolo Productions

Soooo, my internet crashed and ah lost ma original reply.  So feeling yer pain right now Cleany…   *shakes stumpy fist*

Shall endeavour to recreate ma original reaction. 

• FUCK ME STAN’S CHEST. 
• FUCK ME DAVE’S CHEST.
• FUCK ME THE TRAIL OF FUZZ LEDING FROM STAN’S HAIRY CHEST PAST HIS SEXY NAVEL BEFORE DISAPPEARING INTO HIS BLUE SHORTS OF LOVE (which totally remind me of the blue shorts he was wearing in that vintage Goanie pic of him strollin’ along da beach wit a wumin…)  FUCKING HELL HIS CHEST NEEDS TO BE DESIGNATED AN AREA OF OUTSTANDING NATURAL BEAUTY.
• Dave is topless!  *fans self at his lovely perfick gorgeous sexy averageness…*  Hhhhhhhgggggg.  His curly mud-coloured chest hair is ridiculously hot.  As are his collar bones, hairy hairy arms, slightly chunky flanks and beloved-of-all-right-minded-individuals stumpy hand. 
• FUCK ME.  Loving the colour of Dave’s trunks.  Hhhhhnnnngggg.
• LOL, whut, is he like, PRETENDING to read a book there whilst actually staring at Stan like he’s a glass of water and Dave’s been walking in the desert for six months?  Oh my rh’llor.  The heat of Dave’s longing gazes burns right through the screen of ma laptop, frankly.  ALWAYS.  But here it’s particularly good because his face is all distracted, not even really realising he’s staring and happy because Stan is there but squiggly-mouthed because STAN IS THERE IN TRUNKS LOOKING HOT HOT HOT.  nnnnngggggggg, da tension…
• Phuket Thailand…  Dave sitting atop a Baratheon-striped deckchair.   I love it for so many reasons, but right now my mind is plumbing all the depths of innuendo over it…    Nnnnnnngggggggg.
• Will never not love me that sweet sweet seawall.  One of da main characters, TBH. 
• What.  Da.  Everloving.  Rh’llor.  is Stan doing kneeling his sexy knees on a Patches-checkered towel/rug thingy….   Arg.  Don’t know how ah can find that sinister but somehow ah do. 
• Be that a cooler-box I spy just behind Stan?  Has Dave been playing good-little-1950’s-housewife again and making them all a picnic and cool drinks?  I choose to believe that he has. 
• Seriously though.  Could they have a more idyllic life than the one they all lead together in sunny, sleepy, weird Kingsdown?  In spite of all the drug-smuggling, travelling circus’s and strange goings on…  I still want to live there. 
• Love me that sandcastle with it’s proud little red flag.   :’)
• Stan.   The.    Man.  
• Shirley is my hero.  Looking cool in her tomboy swimming costume, she just doesn’t give a fuck.  Is it wrong that I even find her scars cute?  She also appears to be tickling/decorating Stephen with seaweed/twigs?  All the love.  There is nothing that girl can’t do.  She even managed to capture and bury a Sea-child!  He seems happy enough there under the sand, though, so… *shrugs*
• Did I mention that Stan has legs. 
• Some of them are on display in this. 
• They’re very manly and hairy. 
• And his feet are very large. 
• JUST TAKE MY VAGINA DAMN YER!!!
• Lovin’ dem Stylin’ shorts, even if their not the Speedo’s of our dreams.  I admit, had yer drawn the Speedo situation, I’d be dead.  So all fer the best, really.   : )
• LOL Stan, what yer doin’ wearing a lovely blue shirt at the beach in the summer sun…?  Get yer chest out for yer onion, Sir…
• Oh wait, you are at least revealing a choic portion of it… 
• And perhaps it is best to ration it. 
• It is a weapon of mass-destruction and illegal in several lesser-known Commonwealth countries…
• : P
• So Stan’s chest. 
• Yup, ah like it. 
• Like the way yer’ve drawn it here. 
• YES GOOD. 
• Big hands and hairy Lobster forearms for the win. 
• FUCK ME he looks so very happy.  Cleany, you are all about slayin’ me with all the Stan happy faces ATM…   He loves his daughter very much…  And he adores spending time with her and all 7 of his surrogate sons.   Yes, even emo!Matthew.  Was Stan in on the burying-Stephen jape, or was that all Shirl’s masterplan, ah wonder?
• Stan has a chest face.  It’s very happy and very very handsome. 
• Can’t help but notice his sexy widows peak and rough manly stubble…  GETS ME EVERY DAMN TIME…

• Dave clearly has an awkward erection and is hiding it with that red book, amiright?  It’s always all about yer penis, isn’t it Dave??  By which I mean, yes, good.  Carry on. 

Again, possibly not an exhaustive list of ma feels. 

But all the same, Lobster-of-mine. 

YER GIVE GOOD LIFE-AFFIRMING TOONS MA GURL. 

Love yer!  Damn yer!  xXx.

Oh darling.  YES GOOD to the whole thing.  Love basking in the glow of yer ‘meta’…  Tis actually difficult to know whether the porn is actually hot when I’m writing it, so words are wind good, in this case.  ; )

In any case, alls I can really focus on right now is;

deisegal said: “frottage not pottage”

…..

I can’t even begin to laugh because it’s too damned funny…

*_*

Rivalling Steelshanks’s “Sexual prowess like he owns an allotment.” for best STRT sass back of ALL TIME the week. 

LY!  DY!  xXx.

In which I completely fail at including any plot or AGD or UBD or case!stuff (sorry Steelshanks… : P Next chapter will be all AGD and UBD and antlers and mines and drug smuggling to make up for it…) but succeed massively in writing 3905 words of squicky, wordy, overly detailed Stave!Porn…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. FML. NC17.

Will Stan and Dave have a serious discussion about their feelings? (HINT: will they f*ck…)

Will the radishes ever get seen to?

Will I ever get the balance right between plot, melodrama, humour and porn?

Find out…

in Chapter Eighteen – Fisherman’s Jumper (IK, R? The chapter titles get worse every time…)

Sexual Tension Road Trip is a subsidiary of Dirty Cop, Clean Cop productions. Brought to you by DEISEGOSOLO. : P

For ma cleanest of clean lobsters. Mwah. : )

Link to big ol’ fic masterlist recap thingy with all the chapters:

http://inigosolo.tumblr.com/post/25601657901/sexual-tension-road-trip-the-story-so-far#notes

Read More